This is Forty – 40 Pieces of Wisdom I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger

“I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to you!” ― Abe Simpson from the Simpsons

Today, I turn forty years old. I grew up in a family that didn’t pay much attention to birthdays. There was some celebration, but it was subdued. Maybe a cake and a rendition of “Happy Birthday.” When we were small, we got some gifts. As we got older, the gifts disappeared. You’d maybe get a card in the mail. Maybe a phone call. I’m not mad. It was normal to me. It was what it was. We celebrated and showed love for one another in different ways.

As I got older, I never gave much thought to my birthday. It was just a day – another 365 days around the Sun.

When I met my wife, her experience was the opposite. Her family went all out for birthdays! She couldn’t understand why I never cared much that it was my day of birth. I never understood why she did.

Eventually, it clicked. A birthday is a day to celebrate because without it, there’d be no me or you or anyone. Pretty rudimentary but think about it. It is so incredibly unlikely that I am here, or anyone is here! Of the trillions of potential genetic variations that occur in the human genome, it took hundreds if not thousands of generations to get the right combination of DNA to produce YOU! Your mom and dad had to meet. Their moms and dads and theirs and so on and so on for 500,000 years and even more.

Then, April 9, 1984 – poof! The stork brings Paul. Or, so I am told!

Dr. Seuss was right. “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” And how unlikely that I came to be me! This. This is worth celebrating.

So, I thought, what would I want younger me to know, other than knowing it is perfectly acceptable and encourage-able to celebrate one’s birthday. I came up with forty pieces of advice to give to my younger self, or at least forty pieces of advice to give to my sons, both of whom have a long, yet not so long, way to go before they turn 40.

Here they are….

1. Embrace the obstacle. It is your path forward.
2. Nothing leaves you until it teaches you what you need to know.
3. This too shall pass. Good, bad, indifference. All of it withers and fades. Don’t hang too tightly to any of it, and don’t let the bad overtake you. You’ll be OK.
4. Life really does come at you fast, then it passes you by. Love where you are now. You’ll never be here again.
5. Speaking of, your children will never be as young as they are now.
6. There is no movement without friction. We do not grow without pain. It is the price for getting better, becoming more than we were.
7. People will come and go. Let them. Those that matter most stay, or find a way back to you.
8. You don’t have to have an opinion about everything. In fact, sometimes, it’s best to just not engage.
9. Energy is finite. Spend it wisely.
10. Don’t take things personally. What people do says more about them than you.
11. Metallica is the greatest band of all time. Period. Actually, I knew this pretty young, but could stand to have known a little earlier.
12. Who we hang out with is who we become. Choose your friends wisely.
13. Don’t take life too seriously. None of us get out of it alive.
14. Memento mori. Remember that you will die. This is a call to making life count now, not later because there may not be a later.
15. Truly, who cares what other people think. We are drawn to the opinions of others due to evolutionary needs to fit in and survive. We’re long past the days of cavemen needing to huddle together. Be you and damn the rest.
16. Being kind and being nice are two different endevors. Being kind is not always nice. Your focus should be on being kind.
17. The world cares about you a lot less than you think. No one is going around thinking about you like you believe them to be. People have their own issues they’re dealing with.
18. Work is important. It isn’t everything though. No one is going to remember your long hours when you die.
19. The only person to compare yourself with is who you were yesterday.
20. The Joneses don’t matter. Stop keeping up with them. They’re not really that happy anyway.
21. It doesn’t matter what you see in the mirror if it doesn’t reflect how you see yourself between your ears.
22. Social media can be a garbage pit. Don’t take it too seriously. Definitely, don’t engage in the comment section. Many of those people need help. Also, spend less time decorating your MySpace account. No one is listening to the song you put on there…
23. It is hard to truly love, but the most necessary thing in the world.
24. Nothing about life is easy, yet working through the meandering is what makes it life.
25. Read as much as you can while you can, especially books that challenge your world view.
26. Life is sacrifice. You cannot have it all. Choose wisely.
27. Being a leader is to be a scapegoat. The best still do it because it needs to be done.
28. The whims of the public don’t matter. Do what is right and just.
29. Listen to your body when it’s trying to tell you something.
30. When you’re tired, rest. If you can’t rest, finish what needs to be done, then rest.
31. Writing is a wonderful way to grow, learn, and understand yourself and others.
32. Leave people to their own actions. Their business is none of your concern.
33. Travel! Get out of your own comfort zone. You become a different person, a better person, after you travel and experience other cultures.
34. Wherever there is a person, there is an opportunity for kindness.
35. All of life is noise. It’s up to you to choose what you want to listen to.
36. There is very little in this world that you can control. It is a complete waste of energy to try to control what is not within your control.
37. Time is the only thing you can never get back. There is never enough of it.
38. Star Wars has so much beauty and wisdom. Dig deep in the philosophy of this world. Except Episodes 7, 8, and 9. Ignore those. They have no wisdom, nor beauty.
39. Watching toddlers do their toddlering is the purest form of joy there is… most of the time.
40. Happiness is a choice. Do not waste your time choosing to be unhappy when happiness is easily within grasp.

I am sure there’s more. Forty years is a long time, but not really. I always thought “midlife” was something of a misnomer. I have no idea if I am at my midpoint. I may have another 60 years in me! I may have 20 years left. Maybe, I have 20 days left. No one knows. It’s one of life’s greatest mysteries, and I’d rather prefer it stay secret.

Until that time, however, I know one thing. All I have to do is to live. It’s what we’re all born to do. I appreciate I made it this far, and here’s to however further I have left to go!

Thank you all who’ve been a part of this trip so far.

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