The Struggle Within: How to Process Having MAGA Supporters in Your Life

“I’m not really sure why. But… do you stop loving someone just because they betray you? I don’t think so. That’s what makes the betrayal hurt so much – pain, frustration, anger… and I still loved her. I still do.” ― Brandon Sanderson, Mistborn: The Final Empire

It seems as if this day were inevitable. Though, I had hoped it would never be. History knows better.

America had it too good for too long. I mean, much of America. Obviously, black and brown populations and the poor have had a tough go to say the least. But overall, we’ve been living in a Pax Americana and taking advantage of it – never fully realizing how good we had it.

In our lifetime, we never had a real threat to our democracy like other nations. There was never a Bierhall Putsch or October Revolution in America. We mostly kept our heads down and kept benefiting from world peace and overall economic stability.

Now, that’s all gone. Forever. The world has changed – changed for the worse. There will be no peace. There will be no stability. America is seen as a threat to world peace, stability, democracy.

And it is mostly because of Donald Trump and his ilk. I am working hard to not hate that man. Hate leads to pain and suffering. I am not sure I will get there, but I am trying.

I say “mostly” Trump because he couldn’t have gotten to the highest office in the US government if it weren’t for his supporters.

I am also trying not to hate them. These miserable human beings put a man in power who deserves nothing he has ever received. Trump is a serial liar, serial failed businessman, cruel human being, complete moron, woman abuser, rapist, racist, fascist, and so many other deplorable things. Yet, his supporters ignored ALL OF IT because of the price of eggs. It appears his supporters are brainwashed the same way cultists are. I cannot see any other evidence to make me think differently.

Yet, worst of all, some of his supporters are people I love. My family. My friends.

Great thinkers have wrestled with the same moral dilemma I currently find myself in: What do we do when people we care for align themselves with injustice? How do we reconcile love and disappointment? How do we live with integrity without being consumed by anger?

This is a tough and deeply personal situation, and I am horrified I write these words. However, I take a small amount of solace in that fact that I am not alone. Many other brave people are wrestling with the fact that people they love openly and unabashedly support a cruel, fascist dictator wannabe because of some vague feelings that may or may not represent “America.”

From a philosophical perspective, dealing with the distress of loved ones embracing a leader or ideology I see as dangerous, cruel, or unjust has had me dig deep to find a mix of emotional regulation, reasoned engagement, and firm moral grounding.

Again, this is a deeply personal and difficult struggle, and one that many people are facing. And I cannot be clear enough. This is NOT a political struggle, not anymore, at least. This is a struggle about values, morality, and how we reconcile the love we have for people with the evil ideologies they support or sympathize with.

I’ve been thinking about this since before the election. Der Führer’s election was the final straw, but even if he had not been elected, I would have still struggled with loving people who hold such vile values that deeply sicken me. Values of hatred, racism, and hypocrisy.

To process my thoughts, I do what I usually do. I turned to philosophy. From this perspective I hope to gain clarity and resolution. The perspective of deep thinkers —especially those rooted in Stoicism, existentialism, and ethics — offer guidance on processing these emotions.

I need you to know why I feel the way I do.

1. The Stoic Answer: Accept What You Cannot Control

Epictetus put it plainly: “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

I cannot change the minds of my loved ones. I cannot make them see what I see. I can only control my own actions, my own boundaries, my own response. They control theirs.

It is not my job to fix them. It is not my job to endlessly explain why their support of cruelty is wrong. I have said or will say my piece, and I must decide what I am willing to tolerate.

Marcus Aurelius reminds us that “The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.”

If their beliefs seem rooted in cruelty, my response must not be cruelty in return. I must act with integrity, hold my ground, and decide who I allow in my life—not from anger, but from principle and wellbeing.

2. Aristotle and the Nature of Relationships

Aristotle believed that not all relationships are created equal. He distinguished between three types:

• Relationships of pleasure (we enjoy each other’s company)
• Relationships of utility (we benefit from the relationship)
• Relationships of virtue (we share deep moral values and challenge each other to be better)

Many of the people I struggle with now were once relationships of pleasure or habit. But if our values and morality are no longer aligned, are they relationships of virtue?

Aristotle’s answer is clear: if a relationship does not make us better, if it does not support virtue, it may not be worth keeping.

To me, this doesn’t exclude family. Many hold the philosophy that family stays together forever. I disagree. Blood binds people, but it doesn’t make it impossible to separate oneself from them, especially if their presence brings suffering.

No one controls what family they come into the world with, but everyone can control which family they have at their side when they’re leaving this world.

3. Reverand Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: Love Does Not Mean Silence

Dr. King wrote, “There comes a time when silence is betrayal.”

I cannot—and will not—be silent in the face of injustice. That doesn’t mean screaming into the void or arguing with people who refuse to listen. It means drawing a line.

Love does not mean tolerating hate. Love does not mean excusing harm. Love, real love, means standing up for what is right, even when it’s hard.

There’s been a popular meme circling the internet. “If you’ve ever wondered what you’d do during slavery, the Holocaust, or the Civil Rights Movement, you’re doing it now.”

Far too many sit back and watch Kitty Genovese die. Marcus Aurelius told himself “You can also commit injustice by doing nothing.

I refuse to be that person.

4. Simone de Beauvoir: The Ethics of Ambiguity

French existentialist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir understood the pain of loving people who disappoint us. She acknowledged that living with moral integrity often leads to disappointment in others. But she also believed in the ethics of ambiguity — recognizing that people are complex, often self-contradictory, and shaped by their circumstances.

She would likely advise that while I may be disgusted by their choices, I should also try to understand how they got there. Not to excuse them, but to keep myself from becoming bitter.

She would advise:

• Do not let their failures become my bitterness.
• Do not become what I despise.
• Choose integrity over comfort.

I do not have to let their beliefs define me.

5. The Buddhist Perspective: Compassion with Boundaries

Buddhist philosophy teaches that we can love people without attachment. We can wish them well without allowing their negativity into our lives.

Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over.”

I can recognize that those I love may be lost in fear, misinformation, and anger. That is their burden to carry, not mine.

I do not have to let it consume me.

How Do We Move Forward?

I do not have to let it consume me, but I cannot ignore it.

To my loved ones who support Trump, I need you to know that I find your views disturbing and intolerable. This isn’t about politics. I can disagree politically. I cannot disagree morally. It’s not a story of Democrat or Republican, liberal or conservative. Honestly, those labels lost their meanings decades ago and are tired, meaningless words used to divide otherwise good people. This story is more than that. It is truly about what is moral and good vs. what is immoral and reprehensible.

I’m generally not into the false dichotomy argument, but in this instance, I cannot think of anything more apt.

You either believe in kindness and decency, or you believe in cruelty and indecency.

You either believe in humanity, or you believe in callousness.

You either believe in democracy and the rule of law, or you believe in fascism and the whims of a madman.

You either believe in the virtues of wisdom, justice, and courage, or you believe in the vices of willful ignorance, injustice, and cowardice.

If you believe in any of the lather, I cannot in good conscience continue to associate with you in any meaningful way. Moreover,

1. I do not have to remain complicit in something I find morally wrong. Cutting ties does not mean I lack love — it means I have boundaries.
2. I can still hold space for love without tolerating harm. I can grieve the people I thought they were and accept that I can no longer walk them.
3. I do not have to let my anger consume me. I can be firm in my principles, but do not have to let their choices poison my spirit.
4. I can take action that aligns with my values. Instead of only focusing on what frustrates me, I can channel my energy into advocacy, education, and living my principles boldly.

I have made a promise to myself that:

1. I will not excuse what is inexcusable. If you support hatred, bigotry, or cruelty, I will not pretend it’s okay just because I love you.
2. I will not waste my energy trying to change those who do not want to change. I have stated my case. I have drawn my line.
3. I will love, but I will not enable. I will not hate you, but I will not let you poison my soul.
4. I will focus on action. Instead of arguing, I will work to make the world around me better. I will engage in activism, community, and love in and through targeted, purposeful action.

Ultimately, I know many others around the world have been struggling just as I have. And I write this as much for them as I write it for me.

For those who struggle, recognize it is not easy. It will never be easy, and a piece of us will always be missing when we put up boundaries to loved ones. But it’s okay to walk away if you have to. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to still love them, even as you let them go. What matters most is that you remain true to yourself and your moral compass.

If you are struggling with this, know this: you are not alone.

You are not wrong to feel hurt. You are not weak for feeling betrayed. And you are not a bad person for setting boundaries.

You can love someone and still say goodbye.

That is not cruelty. That is courage. That is integrity. That is strength.

One final message to my loved ones. I hope you find the spark deep within your soul that ignites the realization that you have lived in a dark place and allowed this darkness to infect the world around you. You have enabled a madman who has unleashed chaos, hatred, pain, and suffering on the world. You have hurt your fellow human beings. You have hurt me. But you are not past redemption. No one is, however unlikely.

I will be here if you find that spark, but don’t expect me to be engaged if you don’t.

© 2025 HR Philosopher. All rights reserved.