Bad Company

Bad company

And I can’t deny

Bad company

Till the day I die

— Bad Company by Bad Company

I was listening to a recent edition of the Daily Stoic Podcast with Ryan Holliday, who was interviewing former Representative Adam Kinzinger. Regardless of your political affiliation, he is an interesting person, and he did some very brave and noble acts. It takes a brave person to publicly go against a sitting President of his own political party so vocally – especially when it had the potential to cost him his seat in Congress, which it ultimately did (at least in part).

(Side note, I met Rep. Kinzinger in 2018 when he toured my workplace. He was very cordial and curious. He asked a lot of questions about our operation and how federal support helped or lack thereof hurt the clients we were serving. I left with a favorable impression of him as a person, FWIW.)

What struck me most, however, was a side conversation they had on calling 911. Holliday was discussing how he called 911 for the first time years ago, and the experience left him wondering more about the operator on the other side.

Holliday initially wondered why the operator was asking him questions and not focusing on the dire situation at hand. He was frustrated during an adrenaline high. He later admitted, the operator was asking him questions and having him focus on other things to keep him calm and on the line. This is standard operating practice for 911 dispatch.

Both Holliday and Kinzinger concluded that these folks must deal every day, every minute of their work, with situations that would break most people. Think about it – EMTs, 911 operators, police officers – they all must work through life and death situations daily. Some handle it well, others not so much.

What surrounds you paints your spirit.

To a much lesser extent, HR professionals deal with consistent stress. To be clear, I am not comparing the types of stress HR pros face to the types of stress that EMTs, 911 operators, etc. face daily. But we face stressors that other professionals don’t. These stressors include:

• People arguments that spill over into our spheres of influence
• Sexual harassment situations, or worse, assault
• Bullying and other forms of harassment
• Domestic issues – such as employee homelessness, abuse, illness, death
• And much more.

Workplaces exist within society and therefore are not immune to societal pressures and influence. I’m a firm believer there is no such thing as work-life balance. There is no work life. There is no personal life. There is only life, and all aspects bleed into one another and paint the complete portrait. One may believe they are “leaving their personal issues at the door” when they walk into work, and vice versa, but that’s not how the brain operates. It doesn’t shut these things off. Maybe they get buried, but these factors and issues are still there affecting us at a subconscious level. And this is worse than allowing them to be in the light where we can see them, address, them, acknowledge them.

Many philosophies teach us that what we surround ourselves with influences the person we eventually become. I wrote a piece a few months back about how I try to surround myself with people who uplift me and bring out the best in me. Some philosophical teachings include:

• “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” – Unknown

• “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

• “If you dwell with a lame man, you will learn how to limp.” – Ancient World Proverb

• “Associate yourself with men of good quality, if you esteem your own reputation; for ‘tis better to be alone than in bad company.” ― George Washington

• “From good people you’ll learn good, but if you mingle with the bad you’ll destroy such soul as you had.”—Musonius Rufus, quoting Theognis of Megara, Lectures 11.53.21–22

But this doesn’t stop with only the people we spend time with. It’s everything. Think of your consumption habits. Everything we take into ourselves is a form of consumption – thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, food, drink, TV, books, magazines, social media… everything!

• “The mind is everything. What you think, you become.” – Buddha

• “The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

What surrounds you paints your spirit.

Be careful not only with whom you spend your time, but be care with what you consume. The more one intakes the negative, the more negative one becomes. Remember the mind and the body are linked. One cannot be without the other, and what one consumes affects the other.

Being in HR is difficult. It’s not for the weak or faint. It eats at you over time if you let it. People are needy, and we are there to serve them. But if we’re not careful as practitioners, it will overwhelm us, and signs show it already has:

Has the HR Profession Gone From Undervalued to Overwhelming?

What’s the top reason many HR professionals are quitting?

Why Are HR Professionals Quitting?

Report: ‘HR Is Simply Too Much Work’

HR Professionals are Leaving the Profession – Are You Next?

Let me be a little vulnerable for a moment, at the risk of maybe losing opportunities in the future, or the respect of some. I don’t care, I suppose. I have had serious thoughts about leaving HR behind. I think the pandemic, continued social divides, and the expectations of others have become incredibly difficult to bear. It’s hard waking up every single day knowing someone will be at my desk complaining about something I can’t do much about. Knowing that this termination, which is completely justified, will lead to some legal action – wasting time, money, resources. I feel this nonsense distracts me from doing better work for the world. As the old saying goes, heavy is the head who wears the crown.

And the head that bears the HR crown is heavy indeed.

I have not yet quit the profession, though. I’ve stayed in HR despite reservations. Why? Philosophy. I know there’s much more I can do to provide good in the world of work, and ALL HR pros can too! We are needed to serve our people, society, and others. If not us, then who? If not now, then when?

I often remark, there is no movement without friction. Seneca, the Roman stateman and philosopher, wrote that “No man is more unhappy than he who never faces adversity. For he is not permitted to prove himself.”

Marcus Aurelius, the Philosopher King, whose crown likely weighed much heavier than an HR professional’s, wrote to himself:

“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own—not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.”

If there were ever a paragraph written for HR practitioners, it’s this one from Meditations.

I try remind myself something similarly. I try to tell myself that the people I will deal with today don’t know what they don’t know, make a lot of false assumptions, including some about me, but basically have good intentions and mean no harm. They are struggling to make the best of the day and themselves, just like I am.

Marcus Aurelius also wrote to himself: “Ask, ‘Why is this so unbearable? Why can’t I endure it?’ You’ll be embarrassed to answer.”

I’ve endured this up to now. Why suddenly can’t I continue? As Ernest Hemingway wrote in A Farewell to Arms:

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”

Strong at the broken places. I interpret this as using the pain to make good. Therefore, I use what surrounds me and turn it against itself. The obstacle becomes the resource. I work on not allowing difficulties to negate any good I can do in the world. If what surrounds me makes me, then I try to use the negativity that surrounds me as a springboard for positivity.

Remember, consumption is not just about the people that surround us. I try to use adapt my consumption behaviors towards growth and self-excellence. For example:

• Exercise, even if it’s walking daily. Just move. Humans were not meant to be stationary creatures. We need movement and activity!
• Food, this doesn’t mean I forgo my favorite burgers, beer, or cakes, it just means I limit them to treats rather than my go to food! This one is harder for me, as I have a great emotional attachment to food that is horrible for me! Ha! But, I cannot deny how amazing I feel when I eat clean vs. eating garbage.
• Social Media, I have been limiting my time on social media, especially the platform formally known as Twitter. I’ve even considered deleting it, but that’s a convo for another day. Overall, I focus on accounts and connections that lift me up. It doesn’t mean I tune out challenging connections – there’s a difference between challenging and toxic. One is iron sharpening iron. The other is corrosive and degrading. Choose wisely.
• Reading, I have been working on reading a lot more lately. I unfortunately am a slow reader. I think it’s something with how my brain wants to analyze every word and sentence! It’s looking for wisdom in every word! But I have been setting more time aside to read to counteract my slow reading eyes. Books, books, and more books on philosophy, business ethics, and better leadership! And don’t forget the amazing blogs out there like Everyday People, Laurie Ruettimann, Las Schmidt, and so many more!
• Drinking, this one is tricky. I enjoy bourbon and beer. I do. I am not an alcoholic – sure, that’s what an alcoholic would say. I drink but a few times a week, and 9/10 times it’s one beverage. I enjoy the craft and care and artistry that goes into making an amazing beer or whiskey. However, I cannot deny how my body doesn’t metabolize it like it used to, nor do I shed the pounds like I used to. Nothing shocking for those who understand! If I overindulge, I feel awful for days, and I lose productivity and time with my family. So, I work to ensure moderation. All things in moderation – at least that’s how the saying goes. But yes, I work to keep my alcohol intake to a medium amount so I can maintain a sharp mind and body.

Aristotle once quipped that “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” What parts comprise your whole? What are you doing to ensure your parts enhance, not destroy, your whole?

Remember that what surrounds us paints our spirit. I try to choose my colors wisely.

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