Redefining Masculinity in HR: Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

 

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the streetwise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night, I toss and I turn
And I dream of what I need

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero

Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler

A few weeks ago, I sat watching Kamala Harris’ acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention and couldn’t help but feel inspired. She is an impressive woman, and I hope she’s the next President of the United States. She’s the leader we need right now for many reasons.

Unfortunately, there are many men who do not want her, or any woman, to be President for very superficial reasons. The reluctance of some men to support a woman leader can be attributed to a complex mix of cultural, psychological, and social factors. These reasons can vary widely among individuals, but there are certainly elements of misogyny, fear of change, insecurity of their own identities, and, in the case of Vice President Harris, racism.

It’s disgusting. And sadly, I’ve seen posts and comments on social media from men who are HR professionals displaying many of these reasonings. These views are unacceptable from everyday people, but when an HR professional voices them, I take it personally.

It got me thinking about what it means to be a man, especially a man in HR. Being a human being is difficult. It doesn’t matter sex, gender, creed, generation, race, ethnicity… being human is tough. Now, the American system has certainly made it easier for some rather than for others. It cannot be denied. Men (mostly White) have certainly been a beneficiary of this system. However, this doesn’t deny the real-world issues men face, and society would be doing itself a disservice to ignore or gloss over them.

Being male in the modern world comes with unique challenges as traditional gender roles evolve and societal expectations shift. Men are often caught between the pressures of adhering to traditional masculinity—such as being stoic (with a small “s”), self-reliant, financially successful—and the need to embrace emotional openness and equality in relationships. This can lead to significant mental health issues; for example, men are three to four times more likely than women to die by suicide, reflecting the stigma around seeking help and expressing vulnerability. Additionally, men face increasing scrutiny over behaviors labeled as “toxic masculinity,” which can create confusion about how to express themselves authentically without being perceived negatively. These challenges are compounded by changing economic roles, where men may struggle with identity and purpose in the face of shifting job markets and the rise of dual-income households.

I am not a fan of the phrase “toxic masculinity,” because, as the Atlantic points out, “the popular term points toward very real problems of male violence and sexism. But it risks misrepresenting what actually causes them.” I feel the issue with the term is that it is often misunderstood as a blanket criticism of all masculinity rather than a critique of specific harmful behaviors encouraged by societal norms. This misunderstanding can lead to defensiveness and hinder productive discussions about how certain expectations of masculinity can negatively impact both men and others. At it’s worse, it encourages men to embrace Donald Trump, Andrew Tate, Kanye West, or others.

I prefer the phrase “don’t be an asshole.” And the males I see denigrating Kamla Harris (and any woman) for being a woman is an asshole move.

Being a man in HR is often a unique experience. The field is traditionally dominated by women, and it presents men with the opportunity to redefine masculinity in the workplace, not through displays of power or authority, but through strength, kindness, and care for others. In HR, the skills that matter most—empathy, communication, and emotional intelligence—are not about asserting dominance but about fostering connections and understanding the needs of others.

In other words, not being an asshole.

When male HR professionals go after women in any way other than respect, it degrades the profession of HR and men in general. It squanders a real opportunity to build bridges and make the world a more equitable, tolerant, and loving place.

The Reality of Men in HR

HR is a profession where women significantly outnumber men. According to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, women make up approximately 70% of HR managers. This gender disparity offers a unique challenge for men in the field—one that requires navigating an environment where traditional masculine traits, often celebrated in other sectors, may not be as valued. In HR, the skills that matter most—empathy, communication, and emotional intelligence—are not about asserting dominance but about fostering connections and understanding the needs of others.

It’s not necessarily discussed a lot, but men in professional settings often face unique challenges due to societal expectations, gender roles, and the structure of the workplace. These challenges can have significant implications for their mental health and contribute to a broader sense of male malaise in the modern world, leading many to embrace the aforementioned assholes. Implications of note include:

• Men often feel pressured to conform to traditional masculine ideals, such as being assertive, competitive, emotionally stoic (small “s”), and financially successful. This pressure can lead men to suppress emotions, avoid seeking help, and engage in hyper-competitive behavior. This can result in increased stress, anxiety, and burnout. Men may also struggle with loneliness and isolation due to the expectation that they should not show vulnerability or seek support.

• While discussions around gender bias often focus on women, men can also experience bias, particularly in professions traditionally dominated by women, such as nursing, teaching, or HR. Men may face skepticism about their abilities or be subject to assumptions that they are less nurturing or empathetic. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and alienation in the workplace. Men may struggle to advance in their careers or be pigeonholed into roles that do not align with their skills or ambitions.
• Men are often socialized to avoid expressing vulnerability or seeking emotional support, leading to isolation in professional settings. The “lone wolf” mentality can prevent men from forming strong support networks. This can lead to loneliness, difficulty coping with workplace stress, and an increased risk of burnout. Without a support network, men may struggle to navigate challenges and may feel isolated in their experiences.
• Men are statistically more likely to die by suicide, and this risk is higher in certain professions such as construction, farming, and law enforcement. The combination of high stress, long hours, and cultural stigma around mental health in these fields can contribute to this issue. The outcomes are tragic and include not only loss of life but also profound impacts on families, communities, and workplaces. The ripple effects of a male colleague’s suicide can lead to further mental health issues among coworkers.

The challenges faced by men in professional settings are deeply intertwined with broader societal expectations and gender norms. The pressure to conform to traditional masculine ideals, coupled with the stigma around vulnerability and mental health, contributes to a sense of malaise among many men in the modern world. This malaise is characterized by feelings of disconnection, purposelessness, and chronic stress.

Addressing these issues requires a cultural shift that encourages men to seek help, express vulnerability, and reject outdated notions of masculinity. Workplaces can play a crucial role by fostering inclusive environments that support mental health, promote work-life wellness, and challenge traditional gender roles. By doing so, we can help men lead healthier, more fulfilling lives and contribute positively to their organizations and communities.

I would love to share something that has helped me become — what I believe — a better man. That, however, will need to be in another blog post.

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