This post is part two in a two-part examination of the current state of masculinity and how it relates to the Human Resources profession. Here is part one.
In my last post, “Redefining Masculinity in HR: Where Have All the Good Men Gone,” I discuss how there’s a potential crisis in modern masculinity. However, I feel strongly there are many good men in the HR Profession, and many good men adjacent. We just have to know where to look, as well as how to allow these men to be the best versions of themselves.
I wanted to share something that helped me tremendously along my journey in this thing called life.
Stoicism (Large “S”): A Guide for Modern Masculinity
“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius
This quote from Marcus Aurelius’ private journal, which became Meditations, emphasizes the importance of action over debate when it comes to embodying the qualities of a good man. It encourages focusing on living out virtues such as integrity, kindness, and strength, rather than merely discussing or contemplating them. This aligns with the Stoic belief that true manliness is demonstrated through character and actions, not through outward displays of power or dominance.
For me, Stoicism – with a large “S” to distinguish it from the lower “s” stoicism that has been stereotyped and misunderstood – has been a guiding philosophy in my approach to HR and being a man. Stoicism teaches that true strength lies not in outward displays of power but in inner resilience, self-control, the ability to remain calm and composed in the face of challenges, and taking care of others. This philosophy aligns perfectly with the demands of HR, where every day can bring new and unexpected challenges that require a thoughtful and measured response.
To the Stoics philosophers, being a good man is fundamentally about living in accordance with virtue and reason. For them, a “good man” embodies the four cardinal virtues: wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. These virtues guide a man’s thoughts, actions, and interactions with the world around him.
- Wisdom: A good man uses his reason and judgment to understand the world and to make decisions that align with nature and the common good. Wisdom involves knowing what is truly valuable in life and distinguishing between what is within one’s control and what is not.
- Courage: A good man faces difficulties, pain, and fear with bravery. Stoic courage is not just physical but also moral—it involves standing up for what is right and enduring challenges with a steady mind.
- Justice: A good man is fair and treats others with respect and equity. He recognizes his role in the larger community and acts in ways that contribute to the well-being of others, always considering the greater good over personal gain.
- Temperance: A good man exercises self-control and moderation. He does not give in to excessive desires or emotions but remains balanced and disciplined in his pursuits.
Note: Stoicism is an amazing philosophy for ANYONE – man, woman, or non-binary. For the context of this article, I am choosing to showcase it in the context of modern masculinity. I hope that if the reader is not male, that they still consider the valuable and life-changing ideas contained within Stoic philosophy.
However, there’s a concerning trend that has emerged, connected to the earlier aspects of part 1 of this post. This concerning trend is often referred to as “broicism,” which corrupts the original teachings of Stoicism. Broicism reduces the rich philosophy of Stoicism to a caricature of masculinity—one that values toughness over kindness, control over collaboration, and power over empathy. This distorted view misses the essence of what it truly means to be strong. In other words, being an asshole.
For the Stoics, “broics” would not have been tolerated. True Stoicism is about being a good human being through understanding and accepting one’s place in the universe. This means living in harmony with nature and fulfilling one’s duties, both to oneself and to others, with a sense of purpose and serenity. A good man is one who practices resilience, maintains integrity, and strives to improve himself continually, all while recognizing the interconnectedness of all people and the importance of contributing positively to the world. They’d shun the hedonistic, selfish, materialist views of the broics, who distort true Stoicism for their own notoriety and monetary gain.
In essence, to be a good man in Stoic philosophy is to live virtuously, guided by reason, and to act in a way that is beneficial to oneself and to society as a whole.
Redefining Masculinity in HR
As a man in HR, I’ve found that the greatest impact comes not from trying to be in charge but from being a supportive presence – someone who others know they can turn to in times of need. It’s about using the principles of Stoicism to remain calm in crises, to think critically and empathetically about problems, and to act with integrity, no matter the situation.
In a field where men are a minority, there’s a unique opportunity to redefine what it means to be a man in the workplace. It’s an opportunity to show that masculinity isn’t about dominance or control but about being a compassionate leader, a thoughtful listener, and a steadfast supporter of others.
By applying the Stoic virtues, male HR professionals can significantly enhance their positive impact on women, minorities, and others in the organization. They can create a work environment where everyone feels valued and supported, contributing to a culture of excellence that drives organizational success. By embodying these values, we can challenge the outdated notions of what it means to be a man and instead promote a version of masculinity that values strength through kindness, power through empathy, and leadership through service.
Here’s how:
1. Wisdom: Making Informed, Ethical Decisions: Wisdom in HR means making decisions that are informed, thoughtful, and aligned with ethical principles. An HR professional should use wisdom to navigate complex situations, such as addressing diversity and inclusion challenges, resolving conflicts, or implementing fair policies.
2. Courage: Standing Up for What’s Right: Courage in HR involves standing up for what is right, even when it’s difficult or unpopular. This can include advocating for marginalized employees, challenging unfair practices, or addressing issues like harassment and discrimination.
3. Justice: Ensuring Fair Treatment for All: Justice in HR is about treating all employees fairly and equitably. This involves implementing policies that ensure equal pay, opportunities for promotion, and unbiased recruitment processes. It also means addressing any systemic inequalities that may exist within the organization.
4. Temperance: Exercising Self-Control and Balance: Temperance in HR involves exercising self-control and maintaining balance in decision-making processes. It means not overreacting to situations, avoiding favoritism, and ensuring that policies are applied consistently and fairly to all employees.
Men (or anyone) can integrate Stoic virtues into their HR practices by:
- Developing Policies with Wisdom and Justice: Use data and ethical principles to craft policies that are fair and inclusive. Regularly review these policies to ensure they meet the needs of a diverse workforce.
- Advocating for Fairness with Courage: Take a stand when necessary to protect the rights of all employees, even if it means challenging higher-ups or long-standing practices.
- Promoting Balance with Temperance: Encourage work-life balance and mental well-being in the workplace, recognizing that a healthy and balanced workforce is more productive and engaged.
Strength Through Kindness
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
–Robert Frost
Some years ago, I found myself at a fork in the road. I was not immune (and am still not immune) to many of the modern problems that plague men today – isolation, loss of purpose, fear of being labeled “toxic.” These burdens led me to resentment, anger, and depression. But I knew this wasn’t the path I wanted to be on. I decided to change a great many things. It was difficult. I lost people along the way. I lost myself along the way. However, I found people; and I found myself.
I took a detour to avoid the road of malaise. I took the road of kindness, and it made all the difference.
Being kind is difficult because it often requires going against our natural instincts of self-preservation and immediate gratification. It demands empathy, patience, and the willingness to be vulnerable, which can be challenging in a world that frequently rewards aggression, assertiveness, and self-interest. Kindness requires us to look beyond our own needs and desires, to understand and care for others, even when it’s inconvenient or when we risk not being reciprocated. This can be especially hard in situations where kindness might be seen as a weakness or where it might open us up to being hurt or exploited.
However, kindness is necessary because it fosters connection, understanding, and trust, which are the foundations of healthy relationships and communities. It helps to create an environment where people feel valued, supported, and safe, leading to greater cooperation, collaboration, and overall well-being. In a broader sense, kindness can be a powerful tool for social change, breaking down barriers and healing divisions.
True strength is found in kindness because it takes courage to be kind in a world that often values power over compassion. It’s easy to act out of anger or fear, but it takes real strength to choose kindness, especially in difficult situations. Kindness reflects an inner strength that is rooted in confidence, resilience, and a deep understanding of our shared humanity. It’s the strength to be patient, to forgive, and to act with integrity, even when it’s hard. Ultimately, those who are kind possess a quiet power that can influence and inspire others, leading to positive and lasting change in both individual lives and society as a whole.
True masculinity then is found in kindness. It is found in taking care of other people. It is found in being better than you were yesterday. It’s found in doing the thing that must be done, even if it’s at one’s own expense. It’s found in the ability to support women, not tearing them down. It’s found in our own sense of doing what is right because it’s the right thing to do.
If you are a man reading this and asking yourself how to get there? Look to Epictetus, a Stoic who knew the path:
“First say to yourself what you would be, then do what you have to do.”
Be a good man. The rest will follow.
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