Stoicism Is Not a Refuge for Misogyny: Masculinity Is Having Moral Courage

“What injures the hive injures the bee.” — Marcus Aurelius

This article is written for men. I welcome and want women to read this piece, too, of course, but they mostly know what I am about to discuss. They experience a life every single man cannot experience. It is men who need to hear my message more. Men, we have to be better. We have to do better. The world is burning, and we’re not doing enough to put out the fire.

The opening quote by Marcus Aurelius, one he could have wrote to himself as he witnessed firsthand the horrors of war in Germania, should be taken more seriously. It should be obvious, but it means what’s bad for society as a whole is bad for the individual, even if the individual “profits” or “benefits” from it.

Ultimately, what is bad for society as a whole does not benefit anyone. For example, datacenters—that make Mark Zuckerberg millions of dollars—destroy the environment, pollute the air and water, destroy farmland, displace people, and so on. What good is having millions, or billions, of dollars if the earth itself is being corrupted?

What injures the beehive injures the bee. And vice versa. What injures the bee injures the hive.

During desegregation in 1950s USA, it is well documented that rather than allow Black Americans access to integrated public pools, local communities shut them down. Black Americans may not have had access to the pools, but who else didn’t have access to those nice pools? White Americans. Hatred far outpaced logic in that these bigots and racists would rather “the others” not have access to nice things than have nice things themselves.

This is the point. What injures the hive injures the bee. Injustice and hatred do not stay neatly contained to one target. They poison the whole body.

There is a deep theme within Stoicism. We are all connected far more than we care to admit or focus on. The philosophers called this Sympatheia, universal connection, or the idea that “all things are mutually woven together and therefore have an affinity for each other,” as Aurelius wrote.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept the past year, and especially over the past few days since the news about the so-called “online rape academy” broke.

A recent CNN investigation found hidden online networks where 62 million men allegedly coached each other on how to drug, sexually assault, film, and hide abuse against their partners. The reporting says these communities operated across platforms such as Telegram and porn forums, and it also highlighted survivors’ accounts plus the difficulty of getting platforms and law enforcement to act.

News outlets continuously air stories of men abusing women, and women not getting justice.

There’s the story of BYU baseball player, Candon Dean Dahle, who raped a little girl for years, and got a slap on the wrist. Dahle received a plea deal and sentence that avoided harsher prison consequences and did not require sex offender registration.

Brock Turner, Austin Wilkerson, Robert H. Richards IV, Taylor Welty-Hackett… and I didn’t even mention the notorious “files” where not one person has been arrested, convicted, or punished.

But, speaking of, what do we expect from a country that elected president a 34-time convicted felon and known sexual rapist and serial abuser.

These examples are but a drop in the bucket of stories telling the same plot over and over and over again. Powerful people, overwhelmingly men, refusing to hold men accountable for their crimes. Imagine how many other “low profile” incidences are happening right now. Many likely never to be reported or to see the light of day because women are taught no one will believe them, or do anything about it.

Many women would rather choose a bear than be with a man. It pains me deeply that many women do not feel comfortable around men. As a man, I am saddened that I may make some women feel unsafe. But what other conclusion is there for many women, whose entire experience is one of objectification, violence, distrust, and hatred?

Does the evidence lead to any other conclusion?

“Not all men.”

“62 million men didn’t visit the rape academy. It was 62 million site visits.”

These are rallying cries for the simple minded. Yes, of course, not all men are rapists or abusers. But not enough men are standing up to those who are. And who gives a damn if it’s 62 million men or 62 million site hits? You’re arguing about a semantic instead of being outraged that there is an online rape academy with this level of engagement. What a cold and callus line of reasoning.

Y’all are focusing on the wrong shit. None of this matters because the fact remains that:

• 99% of sexual assault predators are men
• 93% of gender-related homicides of women and girls were committed by a male intimate partner or family member
• 70% of those investigated, prosecuted, and convicted for human trafficking are men
• 96% of mass shooters are men
• 94% of female rape victims in the U.S. reported only male perpetrators
• 72% of violent hate crime incidences are perpetrated by men
• 99% of people sentenced for child pornography offenses are men

This is why the specious reasoning of “not all men” misses the point. Again, what other conclusion are we to reach other than men have a deep-seated unpredictable ability to be dangerous?

There are better ways, but men at large are not choosing the path of our better angels. This is why I cling to philosophy. It is a path towards justice. It has helped me avoid going down the path of Andrew Tate, Charlie Kirk, incel ICE agent, MAGA, or other misogynist wickedness. Am I perfect? No, of course not. I have vices and temptations like all of humanity, but I have worked tirelessly on trying to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday. I ask myself tough questions. I try, as hard as it is, to face my demons and put them down.

Philosophy keeps me centered and focused in ways I wouldn’t be if I didn’t have it. And philosophy helps give me answers on how I should interact with the world around me. When I see injustice done by my fellow men, Stoicism shows me how I need to respond.

What does that mean? The only way out is through, and that means men have to hold other men accountable.

So, what does Stoicism actually demand of men here?

Stoicism, the philosophy of Aurelius, and of this article’s author, is firmly on the side of treating women with dignity, fairness, and respect.

At its core, Stoicism says that virtue is the only true good, and virtue includes justice, wisdom, courage, and self-control. A man who treats women as lesser, uses them, humiliates them, dominates them, or excuses harm is acting counter to how a good man should. A misogynist acts without justice and without self-mastery.

Stoicism has a foundation for equity and equality.

Musonius Rufus, a 1st-century Roman Stoic philosopher often called the “Roman Socrates,” stands out as one of the clearest Stoic voices for the dignity and moral worth of women. While he was still a man of the ancient Roman world, which had its own entrenched male dominated point of view, he argued courageously for his age that women possess reason just as men do, have the same natural capacity for virtue, and therefore should study philosophy as well.

In the ancient world, philosophy was not just theory. It was a set of actionable ideals designed so people could live a good life. Philosophy was training for living with justice, self-control, courage, and wisdom. Because women share in that same moral potential, Musonius saw no sound basis for treating them as lesser beings. He openly challenged societal norms that restricted women’s roles and freedoms.

Sadly, most of his teachings have been lost to us, but some of his strongest surviving writings make his view plainly clear:

• “Women as well as men … have received from the gods the gift of reason.”
• “Not men alone, but women too, have a natural inclination toward virtue and the capacity for acquiring it.”
• “If then men and women are born with the same virtues, the same type of training and education must … befit both men and women.”

He also viewed marriage as a shared partnership, writing that husband and wife should regard things “in common between them.” Taken together, Musonius offers a philosophically Stoic foundation for respecting women as full human beings, equally capable of virtue, reason, and moral excellence.

So, his views may have been uncharacteristically progressive for the age, but Musonius, having lived in a deeply patriarchal society, shows us that men can choose to reject the assumptions of their culture. If Musonius could defy the general Zeitgeist of the paterfamilias during his time, what excuse do men have today?

While Stoicism is not a philosophy for men alone, many men are drawn to it for a variety of reasons, and unfortunately, they learn the wrong conclusions and lessons. Stoicism is not about being devoid of emotions, or a pathway to being a better sociopath, as Ryan Holliday so wryly quipped. It is about mastering emotions, treating other people with the respect the universe affords them, and doing the right thing when everyone else around you does the wrong thing.

Men should be learning from Stoicism that:

• Women and men share the same human capacity for reason and virtue. That means women are not morally inferior or made to be treated as objects, property, or tools for male ego.
• Justice requires giving others their due. So, respect is not optional politeness. It is a moral duty.
• Self-control matters. Lust, anger, insecurity, pride, and the desire for control are passions Stoics warn against. A man who mistreats women because of those impulses is failing morally.
• Character matters more than power. Stoicism does not admire male dominance. It admires discipline, fairness, and nobility of conduct.

Stoicism also proposes that it is the duty of men to hold other men accountable for their misogynist actions and beliefs.

A Stoic is not supposed to shrug at wrongdoing just to stay comfortable or protect the group. Justice and courage require confronting what is wrong. That does not mean blind rage or performative outrage. It means clear, principled action.

Philosophy teaches men that they should:

• Refuse to excuse bad behavior just because “that’s how guys talk” or “he didn’t mean it.”
• Speak honestly and directly when another man is disrespectful, abusive, manipulative, coercive, or degrading toward women.
• Protect the common good. Stoicism teaches that we are social beings with duties to one another. Allowing harm to continue without challenge is a failure of justice.
• Correct with reason, not ego. The goal is not macho posturing. It is to stop wrongdoing and act rightly.
• Accept the social cost of doing what is right. Courage means doing it even if other men mock you, get defensive, or call it disloyal.

In philosophical terms, silence in the face of cruelty is not neutrality. It is moral weakness.

There is also a deeper point: Stoicism teaches that the only thing truly under your control is your own character and choices. So, if a man sees another man mistreating women, he cannot control that man’s soul, but he can control whether he enables it, laughs along, looks away, or challenges it. That choice reflects his own virtue.

So, my final thoughts are that all men need to do better, be better, act better, regardless of their philosophical provisions, or lack thereof. Men, get your head out of your ass. If you see injustice, do something about it.

Your position as a man is to treat women justly because justice is part of virtue, and virtue is the whole point of a good life.

Your position as a man is not to mind your own business when other men behave badly.

Your position as a man is to be brave enough to stand for what is right, with reason, discipline, and integrity.

A good man treats women as full human beings deserving justice and respect, and a good man does not protect male wrongdoing from scrutiny. He masters himself, acts justly, and has the courage to confront injustice in other men.

The modern man lacks, by and large as a group, moral courage. Stoicism can help them cultivate it. Do your part today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not when you have a daughter and your perspective changes.

Do your part NOW.

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